domesticana

Sick and 'Hair'ed

I knew it wasn't going to be my dream Hawaiian vacation, but I hadn't prepared myself for this. Matt was feeling a little run down when we arrived last week, and by the weekend, he was a disaster. We think he must have some sort of stomach bug, but after two doctors, a trip to the emergency room and a lot of trips to the bathroom later, we're heading back up to the ER this afternoon. On top of all that, Ella has been single-handedly keeping the entire Hawaiian insect population alive with her tasty flesh. The poor kid is covered with bug bites--big giant, itchy welts--and after being doped up on Benadryl for two days, her body rebelled last night. She threw it back up and up and up. Ugh, it's just awful. Poor kid even has bites on the bottom of her foot.

Needless to say, I'm aching for both of them in pain and nothing I can really do about it. It sucks. But, I'm also bored out of my mind and not a little tired of taking care of grumpy sick people. I've read about 600 pages of my book--being cramped in an ER cubicle did wonders for my reading time. I've made countless runs to the drug store for bug bite creams and various other drugs and sundries. It's a drag.

In a (literally) vain attempt to take my mind off of all this stuff, last night (when I should have been working) I found myself cllicking around here or there, and wound up on the Clairol website. I've been looking for a free service that lets you 'try on' hair for ages, and when I finally happened upon it I felt downright giddy.

   

What do you think? Should I go red? Blonde? It's just silliness, but I played with this thing for about two hours last night after everyone went to bed. Can you tell how bored I am? I actually took screen shots and then copy/pasted them all into one image. That is severe boredom for you.

At least it took my mind off this horrible trip for a little bit.

We're heading home on Wednesday, and it simultaneously feels like we've only just arrived and that it couldn't come soon enough. The fact that we've had ZERO quality time with Matt, that he's still sick and that he will likely be here until Christmas is more than I can even think about right now. It's just nuts.

It's all about momentum

Blogging, like exercise, is one of those special, personal things in my life that I truly enjoy while I'm sticking with it, but when I slack off for a few days it's all over. Forget about it. Momentum... I just need to keep it going.

Last August, one week after doing the Danskin triathlon, I broke my pinky toe. Not that I was training hard (let's face it, I wasn't really in the proper shape to do a triathlon, even a weenie, girlie one), but I did have some momentum going before the Danskin, and having to take three weeks off because of a broken appendage really took its toll. I never really got it back. September was the start of all sorts of business turmoil. Then Ella weaned in October, and then there were those lazy holiday feasts at the in-laws, and now here I am ten pounds heavier.

I should note that when I gain ten pounds my friends might think, "Hmm, she's looking a little rounder and thicker around the middle." But for the most part, I think I'm the only one who really notices. I am REALLY noticing right now. Sometime in my cocky, I'll-have-my-nursing-body-forever bliss, I threw out all of my chubby clothes. I'm cursing myself, believe me. I hate not having anything to wear. It makes all the difference to me when I'm feeling fatter than usual to be able to pull out a pair of jeans that still make my butt look attractive. It seems like, despite my newly flattened chest (isn't that always the way it goes?), my shirts are all a little short. Maybe it's just that I didn't care if a little tummy showed when it was roll-free... I really can't say for sure.

The most discouraging part of feeling this way is that I've been exercising. About a month ago, I started jogging again and I've been so vigilant (for me). I've been jogging about 2.5 - 3 miles 3-4 times a week and walking about 3 miles once or twice a week. Not only that, but after I jog I always plop down on the floor and do a ton of crunches* (and a few girlie push-ups for good measure). My current regimen goes like this: 30 basic crunches, 25 legs-straight-up-in-the-air crunches, 40 bicycle crunches, and 30 where I lie on each side and crunch my love handles/waist area. Then I flip over and do 10 measly pushups and collapse with my head on the floor and my fat ass in the air. Personally, I think all of that working out should be paying off.

It's not. I just feel fatter. I'm sure I'm just in a muscle-building stage and if I just stick with it, I'll wake up one morning in a month and feel fabulous. Right now, I just feel bloated. It's all I can think about, and it's starting to bring me down.

On a positive note, I would love to do the Danskin again this year. I think my lack of training last summer can be attributed to a few factors that shouldn't necessarily trip me up this year. First off, I didn't find out I could participate until six weeks before the race and by that time all of my friends who had committed to doing it were bailing out. Then there was the fact that I didn't really train. I went swimming three times, during which I did about 20 - 30 laps before practically drowning. I didn't do any running or jogging but I did take long, powerish walks with Ella in the backpack (which resulted in a back injury that still hasn't healed). The only thing that I did do was ride my bike quite a bit before the race, but I don't think I ever rode more than eight or nine miles at a time (the bike part of the race was 12).

This year I'm not worried about not having a gaggle of friends with me, nor am I worried about training. I would love to have some friends join me, but as I found last year when one friend surprised me and actually showed up, it's kind of hard to "do it" with anyone else. It was fun to have my friend there with me, but I don't think it would be disappointing to go it alone. As far as training goes, I know what to expect. I can probably finish again just by staying active during the summer. My time last year was 2 hours and 15 minutes, and it would be nice to be in better shape and shave a few minutes off that this year, but whatever. It's just fun to finish.

The only thing holding me back from registering right this minute is the fact that we might be moving this summer. If we do, I'm not sure where to register and/or if I'm willing to fly to do the race and whatever else might go into it. I'm finding myself in this bind a lot right now, and I'm trying not to get bogged down in this potential moving limbo. I'm hoping that this entry will get my blogging momentum going again so I can write about all this move stuff. I'm sure it will help me get some of my thoughts in order...

* When I first started jogging four years ago, I was hanging out with my roommates when a friend came over to get ready to go out for dinner with us. Before getting ready, she went on a 5 mile run, came back and did about 300 sit-ups, stood up and proceeded to pull her sports bra down over her hips. I don't remember why she got up off the floor and took her bra off, but I do remember watching her slink out of a sports-bra and thinking to myself, "I think I need to do some sit-ups."

Kowalski update

Go here people. www.kowalskishoes.com

I wrote an entry a while back about my mad search for a pair of Kowalski shoes, and ever since it has been my number one search term. In other words, most people who come to my site from a search engine are looking for Koawalskis. It cracks me up to type 'kowalski shoe' into Google and get my site in the number three spot. The company site is still nowhere to be found on a search results page, and it's too bad because they have a website--they just don't have any keywords in place to get picked up by search engines.

I peruse my 'Stats' page occasionally, and I'm always amused to see that except for a few hits to my entry so delicately entitled Boobs, Sex and Money, I rarely get hit from any search engine for anything other than Kowalskis. I thought I might as well help the searching masses by putting the url right there at the top...

So yeah, if you're a Kowalski rep and you're reading this, I'll gladly accept a pair of transeasonals in style #9 or #16 in a 40. Thanks and your welcome for the free internet real estate... :)

100 Things About Me

I always love reading these silly lists on other blogs. So, I finally decided to do one too.

1. I have a two-year old daughter whose songs and chatter make me smile even when nothing is fair, the house is a mess and I have 12 loads of laundry to do.
2. I absolutely loathe laundry. More. Than. Anything.
3. I love unsweetened chocolate so much that I carry some in my purse for emergencies.
4. I also love baked goods, particularly anything with pumpkin.
5. I'm married to a man with a thousand hobbies, including, but not limited to, flying, sailing, cars, audio equipment, furniture building and photography.
6. I watch about five movies a week (after the girl is in bed), and can rarely find anything I haven't already seen unless it was released last Tuesday (that's when new movies come out on video, you know).
7. I obsess about the strength of my morning coffee--it never seems to be enough, but I only have one cup a day.
8. I like to get nine hours of sleep, but I usually settle for six and a half.
9. When I was a small child, I often took four to five-hour naps and slept for thirteen hours a night. My parents were charmed.
10. I think that houseguests should limit their stay to three nights. I rarely have one who does.
11. I enjoy knitting and am slowly getting better at it.
12. So far, I've given all but one thing I've knit to someone else.
13. I set out to have a natural childbirth and breastfeeding into toddler-hood, and I'm thankful both worked for me.
14. I’m pretty firm about rules and discipline, but I don’t believe in spanking.
15. I sometimes pretend not to watch when my daughter feeds the dog her crackers.
16. I talk to myself--imaginary conversations with friends and family--especially right before I'm going to see someone, where I speak my part aloud and imagine the rest.
17. I recently realized, thanks to my daughter's imitation of me on the phone, that to an eavesdropper it's kind of like a phone conversation where I'm the only one who can hear the 'other' part.
18. I like to wear cardigans, but I try not to be frumpy about it.
19. I have one pair of Seven for All Mankind jeans, and I want more.
20. I've had a facial care regimen since the seventh grade.
21. I still get zits, but now I'm getting wrinkles too.
22. I get a rash when I stay in the sun all day—it's like an allergic reaction.
23. I'm very pale.
24. I don't have any fillings in my mouth, and I'm always worried that my dentist is going to give me the bad news at my next appointment.
25. I don't floss nearly as often as they tell me I should--maybe three times a week, but I do love it when my Sonicare toothbrush shuts off after the two-minute mark.
26. I finally broke down and joined the Barnes & Noble member program.
27. I used to idyllically want to support the small bookstores, but now I can't find any good ones.
28. I majored in fiction writing in college, but I've never seriously considered actually writing fiction.
29. I also majored in French, and now I never, ever speak it. I wish I did.
30. I think I’m very patient, but my husband gives the word new meaning. He is my role model in so many ways.
31. He is also seriously addicted to buying and selling cars, and thinks going for a test drive in the new this or that is a great way to get his kicks.
32. In the five years that we've been together, we've owned over 15 used cars, with the total at one time topping out at six. (Did I mention that he’s also insane?)
33. I now drive a minivan, and after getting over my initial vanity issues I really like it.
34. Our neighbors never know if the cars parked in our driveway belong to us, and frankly, sometimes, neither do I.
35. I'm 28 years old and my husband is 42.
36. Most people would never notice we have such a spread if we didn't tell them.
37. I'm 5'11 and 3/4", but I usually round up to 6'.
38. My weight fluctuates eight pounds during my monthly cycle.
39. I curl my eyelashes and comb my eyebrows almost every day—simply doing those two things make me feel put-together.
40. I easily overlook the ugly things around me, like the huge pile of crap on my desk and the hideousness of my kitchen, but for the most part I'm pretty tidy and my house is clean.
41. I have a cleaning service come twice a month, and I'd be willing to give up a lot before getting rid of my cleaning help.
42. My mother swears a lot, and hearing her makes me want to clean up my act, especially when I hear her say, “Eat shit and die.”
43. She and I have had a tumultuous relationship over the past five years. Somehow I manage to block out my disappointment about our failing relationship…
44. I’m a terrific card shuffler but I suck at dealing.
45. I could be described as picky about food, but I like to think I’m just particular.
46. Some of my favorite foods include bitter chocolate, stinky cheese, crusty breads, a good steak, broiled marlin, spinach salad with nuts and fruit and chocolate almond ice cream from Baskin Robbins.
47. I try not to eat meat that is treated with hormones or antibiotics, which makes going out to most restaurants a tad torturous for a carnivore such as myself.
48. Despite my rather obsessive behavior in the past, I don't spend any time thinking about calories and fat grams and junk like that anymore.
49. I do spend a lot of time thinking about my next meal.
50. I love to cook, but I rarely use recipes or measure anything (not even water for rice—it comes out right though). Baking, on the other hand, is all by the book in my kitchen.
51. I like bourbon and usually order Manhattans or Old Fashioneds when I’m in the mood for that sort of thing.
52. I prefer to eat dinner with a glass of wine, preferably something big and bold like a Zinfandel, Syrah or Cabernet.
53. Good white wine seems more expensive than red (as in, I can never find a really great bottle for less than $10), but I do like a good Pinot Gris or a buttery Chardonnay now and then.
54. I still haven’t seen much of a resemblance to my husband or myself in my daughter, and I’m constantly mystified when someone says she looks just like one of us.
55. It irritates me that Matt has commented that Ella looks like his grandmother/sister/aunt—every woman on the planet but me.
56. I like to wear flip-flops in the summer but rarely wear shorts.
57. I don’t like to put anything in my hair—no products or clips, and despite changing my hairstyle every year or so, it is always parted the same way and tucked behind both ears.
58. I have always parted on the left, which I recently heard means that I command respect and am very lucky (hmm, that sounds very scientific, don't you think?).
59. I lost my virginity when I was one month shy of 16, but I think, even in retrospect, that I was ready.
60. I told my mom that I was planning to have sex after I had already done it, and although she promised she’d be cool about it, she behaved rather freakishly when she gave me my first box of Pills. But hey, I can cut her some slack.
61. I was subsequently on the Pill for eight years, and had to change dosages and brands several times due to odd side effects like violent rage during my periods and complete loss of sex drive—what’s the point of taking the Pill if you don’t want to have sex?
62. I used to smoke cigarettes, but now I find them pretty gross. I never imagined I wouldn't want to have a smoke with a glass of wine.
63. I want to learn how to grow vegetables, but I don't really have a good yard for a garden at the moment.
64. My favorite vegetable is asparagus, and I ate it for almost nine months straight (every night) while I was pregnant. Matt got really sick of it.
65. I blush very easily, and I always worry about it before speaking in front of a group. I don't worry about the speaking or feel embarrassed by what I say—just that I know I'm getting red and it looks like I'm embarrassed.
66. I am a horrible liar, and Matt admitted that one of the things he loves about me is my inability to deceive him. I’d never get away with anything. So, I don’t even bother trying.
67. I agree with my husband, who always says, “You’re never really mad at anyone but yourself.” It’s annoying but true.
68. I’ve lived in the United States, India, Sweden, Pakistan, and (sort of) The Philippines.
69. I’ve been in Seattle for over five years—the longest I’ve ever lived in one place.
70. I miss Seattle when I go away for a few days, despite the constant gray doom-and-gloom rain.
71. I have always had a large-ish number of girlfriends who don’t really know each other, even in elementary school, and I sometimes envy people who have a group that likes to hang out together.
72. I love all of my friends and can’t imagine my life without them.
73. It's a big inhibitor to moving, something Matt hopes to do someday.
74. I spend a lot of time worrying about my younger brother, who, at 24, is still almost entirely supported by my parents, just got fired from a bar and is incredibly depressed.
75. He loves Ella with every shred of his being, and I love seeing them play together.
76. I have an older brother who was given up for adoption. I’ve tried to find him but have yet to do so. I’m still hopeful.
77. My parents have been married for 32 years, but I don’t think they’re happy together anymore.
78. Unlike my younger brother, I wouldn’t be devastated if they broke up.
79. I’ve been in several car accidents, one very serious in which two people died, but none during which I was the driver.
80. I’m always very nervous (to the point of gripping the seat) when I’m riding in a car being driven by someone other than my husband or me.
81. I often hear myself talking about cars like a true expert, shocking my friends and making myself laugh at the word-for-word regurgitation of Matt’s constant car talk.
82. Ella loves to sit in the driver’s seat and pretend to drive, and I fear I’m in for many a sleepless night when she’s old enough to be out cruising with friends.
83. I believe in picking my battles and causes with great caution and sincerity.
84. I never want my friends and family to feel like my decision to take up one cause or another means that I judge their disinterest. I worry it often comes across that way.
85. I like to jog and practice yoga, but I haven’t done much of either since I had Ella. By jog, I should clarify that I don’t even come close to running. I’m more of a bouncy walker.
86. I have never identified with the name Melissa, and have even considered changing my name. I’ll never do it though.
87. Most of my friends and family call me Melis, and I often think I should just introduce myself that way but it feels silly for some reason.
88. I'm a Pisces, my husband is a Capricorn, my daughter is Gemini, and yes, I do think about that sort of thing.
89. In fact, I'm totally hung up on when to get pregnant because I don't know anyone of this or that sign that I happen to like. That part is silly--I'll admit it.
90. I'm also an ENFJ, whatever that really means.
91. I buy or subscribe to Mothering, The Atlantic Monthly, Wired, Premiere, Entertainment Weekly, Organic Gardening, Interweave Knits and Brain Child (a new find), and it’s no wonder that I rarely find time to read books lately.
92. I feel the need to cut down on my magazine consumption.
93. I also try to keep up with about 20 blogs, and am always adding to the list.
94. I waited tables in a Thai restaurant in college, and I miss being able to eat Thai food every single day. Thai people do it. Why shouldn’t I?
95. I go grocery shopping every day, and as much as I think it would be easier to stock up I just can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe the inclusion of another child into the mix will force me to plan ahead someday.
96. I obsessively read labels in search of sugar in an attempt to help my husband, who suffers from ulcerative colitis, stay healthy and avoid medication. I never thought I would be one of those label-reader people you see at the grocery store.
97. I find the more I eat healthy food the more I think it tastes really yummy. Sprouted-spelt bagels, mmm-mmm. Tasty.
98. Matt and my brother once told me that I'm the most rational woman that either of them know. I thought it was very flattering.
99. As I get older, my role as family caregiver and peace-maker is becoming more and more apparent.
100. I can happily live with both of those titles.

Two quick things

Here are some pictures from our fabulous tree cutting adventure this weekend. Now if we could just find a place to put the tree--it's still sitting outside. Ella desperately wants to bring it inside, and has insisted on saying, "Good morning" and "Good night" to it every day.

Yesterday when I was trying to tell Matt something, he interrupted me to tell me that I use the word 'clearly' too much. At the time I was irritated, but now that a day has passed and I've heard myself begin to say that word about 20 dozen times, I'm forever grateful. Clearly, clearly, clearly, clearly, clearly, clearly, clearly. There, now it's out of my system.

Kowalskis

Yesterday, after hearing that I had a free afternoon for once, my brother convinced me to meet him downtown to help him shop for jeans. Apparently, the guy thinks he needs to spend over $100 on a pair of pants despite the facts that a.) he's a bar-back (read: not a bartender yet); b.) he lives in a condo that my parents just bought for him and has no intention of paying more than $300/month in rent (peanuts both for Seattle and relative to the mortgage); c.) he drives a car that my parents just bought for him and has no intention of paying them back; d.) he doesn't have a clue how much it actually costs to live without roommates and pay for car insurance and gas—the list literally goes on forever. But I digress…

After a long and completely unnecessary stint at Nordstrom, I recommended hitting Nordstrom Rack, and we got lost in the women's shoe section for a few minutes (okay more like 40). Ella immediately climbed out of her stroller, intoxicated by the sight of so many shoes to try on, shed her own shoes and sat down on the floor. She must have pulled 80 shoes off the racks, pausing to examine them before either flinging them over her shoulder in disgust or piling the few worthwhile ones into her stroller. Then she methodically tried on the shoes she had chosen, very carefully standing up in each mismatched pair. It was like a cartoon.

While we were trying not to crack up at Ella, my brother and I were also scouting around, and he pulled off a few fun athletic-inspired shoes for me. Some Diesels, some Adidas, and then he found it: the look I've been in search of for months. Both of us looked at it and said, "Now that's cool." Naturally it was misplaced on the Size 10 rack, as it was clearly way too small. So we set about searching for a larger one. Of course we couldn't find one. Of course not. Isn't that always the case?

Recently Matt saw a pair of retro Adidas sneakers (Rekords), and decided he absolutely must have a pair. He has to be the world's pickiest man about a large handful of things, and shoes are no exception. It doesn't matter if they're for me or for him—he's just very clear about what he does and does not like. For instance, he doesn't like any clothing to be flesh colored, nor should it be furry or fuzzy or itchy in any way. Cables are out of the question as are bulky turtlenecks. Shoes should be sleek and hug the foot's shape—no bells and whistles. He doesn't like me to wear high heels because he thinks they prop my hips up too high in proportion to the rest of my body. He doesn't like me to wear my running shoes in the house. He's very particular aesthetically. Sometimes it cracks me up and other times I feel absolutely exasperated. But again, I digress…

He found these sneakers that he loved, but of course no one had them in his size. No one except for two people on eBay, and considering he thought them to be the coolest shoes of all time he went ahead and bought both pairs. He couldn't stop talking about them, calling me to see if they'd arrived while he was at work—just chomping at the bit to slide his foot into them. When the first pair arrived, I'm sure I positively guffawed when he pulled them out of the box. They're baby blue and absolutely hideous. I told him that they were so gay not even a gay man would wear them (excuse my total disregard for PC friendliness—but you know what I mean), but later I realized what it was—they're for girls. They must have been meant for girls. I'm telling you, no self-respecting man would wear these things… But then the other pair arrived, and they are much more acceptable: white with the signature three stripes along the instep. So, the baby blues have been shelved, or at least I hope they have.

Back at the Rack… I assuaged my fears of never finding a pair of my new favorite shoes of all time with Matt's eBay success story, and plopped down to search for them the minute I got home. Isn't it just my luck that no one, except for one stinking company that doesn't carry them past a size 8 nor do they have the exact style or color I liked (what's wrong with them!), has even heard of this brand. Kowalski. I searched for Kowalski footwear. Kowalski shoes. Kowalski shoe made in Spain. All I found was a reference to some fashion show in Hong Kong.

For the last half an hour, I've been combing Zappos.com for something sort of like them and have come up with very little. I'm now obsessed with finding a pair of shoes like that one, lone, too-small Kowalski.

I'm so VAIN.

I didn't think I cared... Really, I had no idea that I would feel this way.

As I climb behind the wheel of my brand-spanking new MINI-VAN, I'm trying desperately to get over my car vanity. Yes, you read that correctly: I am now a mini-van driver. One of those blend-in-on-the-freeway Honda Odysseys, no less, with the full-meal deal including remote controlled doors and a DVD player for the kiddies. Um, the fact that we only have one kid and we don't let her watch DVDs is incidental.

"Neat" is a good word to describe this car--used the way an eight year old might utter it. It drives very nicely, has tons of convenient features (heated seats being my all-time fave) and is, well, new, which is nice. Ella thinks it's the coolest thing she has ever seen, and begs to play in it all day long.

"New car. Inside. Get inside new car. Drive. Ella drive. Keys too. Mama! Keys please. Now Mama, keys."

We picked it up on Sunday morning, and despite the measly 100 miles we've put on it since then, we've spent upwards of 12 hours just playing in the damn thing. Unlike our other cars, Ella is not allowed to play with the keys for this one. She is quite adept with a set of car keys--knows right where to put them, how to turn them, how to get everything going once the car is running--but this car's remote doors are a little dangerous (and probably only barely Ella-proof). So, aside from being giddy with excitement at the prospect of pretending to drive her beloved new car, Ella has been totally pissed for the past week that I won't let her have the keys. It's a constant source of contention.

As I may have mentioned before, Matt is a true car aficionado. The man is a walking encyclopedia and has owned over 60 cars, all but three or four of which have been used. In fact, he's such a used car advocate that buying a new one was a massively big deal. For me. Allow me to explain: when you live with someone who carries on about such things endlessly day and night, you cannot help but become brainwashed. I thought we would never own a new car, never buy a big car, and certainly never buy a freaking mini-van. But, because Matt is such a maniac about cars, I decided long ago that it was not a battle worth fighting. He picks the cars. He manages the maintenance. He deals with the insurance and licensing. Those details become veritable full-time job when you own six used cars, which we did just a few short months ago.

Over the course of the past few years, Matt has been getting progressively busier and crazier, finding less and less time to spend with Ella and me and very little time for himself. So, when he told me the other day that he'd decided to sell my car (a 1987 Mercedes 300E with 70K miles) in an attempt to get rid of all the crap that goes hand in hand with owning a 17-year-old vehicle, I was grateful and excited. Yay, I thought, what would we get instead? Then he told me we were going to get an Odyssey, and I experienced a true vanity awakening.

I think there should be a support group for people who don't think they're frumpy and grown-up enough to drive mini-vans but do anyway. Not that I would join. It would just be nice to know it was an option.